Planet W

Holy Moly.  I just saw Andrew Bird and Calexico at Radio City Music Hall.  Calexico were fantastic.  It was nice to see them, because they had been playing right across the street from Vienna Teng when we played in Tuscon, but I didn't get a chance to check them out.  Very cool.  Their pop/flamenco/tejano chimichanga is really tasty.  

What can I say about Andrew Bird that hasn't already been said?  He blows me away every time I see him.  I first saw him at the Blind Tiger patio in Charleston with the Bowl of Fire.  Awesomely quirky Gypsy Jazz original tunes and such at a place in charleston that hasn't really been a  music venue before or since, to my knowledge. (My good buddy Adam Berry promoted that show, I think.  Andrew was Adam's violin teacher when he lived in Chicago.)  Then, I saw him at the Village Tavern in Mt. Pleasant, the best Indie Rock club disguised as a redneck southern dive/sports bar ever.  He was playing with a drummer (Kevin O'Donnell, I think) and his trusty Line 6 looping pedal.  This was when I really became a big fan.  Mysterious Production of Eggs had recently dropped and I bought it and Weather Systems from Andrew himself.  He was really getting good at the looping stuff at this show.  I couldn't believe how he could create a full string orchestra in just a few seconds with his violin and that green stompbox.  And the third time I saw him was a few hours ago at Radio City.  Wow.  He was really excited to play there, and I was equally excited to see him there.  It's nice and rare when genuine talent and ingenuity are rewarded, when cream really does rise to the top.  

I felt like I was visiting another planet watching him play.  He makes all of that looping shit look so easy, and let me tell you, it isn't.  he's definitely put his time in.  His music is so beautiful and so playful and so inspiring.  makes me want to hole up in my room all summer and play with my music toys and craft my own world of tunes and weirdness.  While I may not hole up, that is my plan for the summer: write WWII.  I don't know whether it'll be another country oriented singer/songwriter album, or a Sigur Ros style ambient album, or a retro heavy metal album or some hybrid of those.  I really just want to mess around, love whatever I'm doing and see which ideas win.  I'm using this website/blog as a conduit to share some of what I'm working on with you, dear reader.  My site will have a new look and feel in the not too distant future, and will likely be a user friendly platform for me to share my ideas.  

I totally enjoyed visiting Planet Bird.  I look forward to exploring Planet WW this summer.

Goodbye!

Hey Kids! I've missed you! I'm real sorry this took so long to get posted.  But hold on to your hats: this is a loooooong one, because I need plenty of time to tell you all about my new favorite country:

AUSTRIA!!!!(cue "sound of music" theme)

 

(needle scratching off of record)Whoa whoa whoa...Hold up just a minute. What the shit? Let's see that last picture again:

 

What in God's name is that!!?? Is this where HR Pufnstuf and Austin Powers conceived their illicit love child?

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

 

First, we arrived in Linz. It was rainy and nasty out, but of course we managed to find a nice place to eat.

 

That was a good beer. And this was a crazy woman:

She started making lots of noise and got kicked out. You keep on partying, grandma! (That's Gert's left ear in the foreground)

Dinner was quite delicious. And for dessert, what else:

 

A Linzer Torte!

When in Linz...

 

...right? Yummy!

Just to give you an idea of how nicely we were treated all over Europe, here's our backstage spread in Linz:

That looks pretty good, eh?  But wait, where's the lunch meat?

"I don't know where your lunch meat is, but here's all mine!  And I ain't giving you any of it...BITCH!!!"

Our venue was called the Altes Posthof, which means "Old Post Station"  (I now think I'm gonna open up a venue called "Old McDonald's")

Aren't those some peaceful cushions to plant your fat hippie ass in?

True story: after the gig, we were out chatting with our lovely audience, and some cute girls came to get their picture made with us.  So I ask, "Hey, is there anything fun to do  in Linz on thursday night?"  To which they reply, "Yes." (one mississippi, two mississippi) "Okay we have to go...Good bye!"

So there are fun things to do in Linz, but you aren't going to tell me what/where they are.  SIGH.

The following day, we arrived in Vienna! (Insert your own lame "Oh, Vienna's in Vienna" joke here)  Wow.  What a beautiful city!  I want to live here.

After checking into our hotel, we took a nice little walk.  The first thing we saw was the Rathaus,

which means Rat House.  Thems must be some big ol' rats who live there.  They could put a hurtin on the NYC subway rats!

Then we happened upon an open air market

My German is both rusty and nearly non-existant, but I'm guessing that the sign says, "Old Vienna East Market".....or maybe Easter market:

The kids love Easter over here.  I don't know what they do for Christmas, but I can't imagine it's bigger than Easter.

At the market, I got some hot chocolate!

Yum Yum, gimme some:

Okay, so she's basically just mashing a chocolate bar in hot milk.  How's it taste?

Not too bad.  It tastes better when my pinky's stuck out like that.  What's Alex doing?

 

 

"Peek a Boo!"

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh Great Big Hunka Meat, how I long for thee!"

 

 

 

 

 

Ready for some cuteness?

"LOOK AT DA BUNNEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!"

While I was snapping this photo, I was saying how the bunny in the lower right corner was fat.  There were some Austiran folks standing beside me who took offense to/issue with what I was saying: "Oh zat bunny ist nein fatten" or some such nonsense, but look here:

1. It's a damn bunny.  And we all know from nursery rhymes that bunnies have no feelings.

2. It's a German speaking bunny, so even if it should understand human speech, and suddenly develop human feelings that might be hurt regarding my comments about it's weight, there's no way would it understand english.

3. It's kind of fat, right?  I mean it's flippin huge, right?  That's one fat ass bunny.....right!!!!???

Anyhow, we wandered over to St. Stephen's Cathedral and got some religion.

Can I get an Amen?  I was actually here in 1992, the very first time I ever came to Europe.  We were only in Vienna for an afternoon, and I just happened to bump into Jenny Goodrum, a high school classmate, right in front of the cathedral.  True story.  Where are you now, Jenny?  I miss you, Jennay!

We then marched right over to Mozart's apartment.

Mozart wasn't there.  Cause he's dead.  But I think he possessed all of us, cause we had the best show of the european tour here in Vienna.

While walking past St. Stephen's again, we saw the most inventive panhandlers/buskers ever:

Ain't that sweet, they just wanna hug us!

Huggies!

Listen, man, you're holding the "free hugs" sign, so you'd better put your homophobia aside and hug a dude, okay?

Did I say they were the most inventive panhandler/buskers ever?  I'm sorry, I meant that these guys were:

They were doing the Electric Boogaloo to classical music.  Breakdance meets Ballet.  It was quite beautiful.  I gave them 20 euro cents, which equals $100.

We got a little lost on the way back to the hotel.  So we jumped in a cab and met Gert:

Who had gotten trapped inside a computer screen, a la Max Headroom. (For you younguns who don't know who he was, educate yourself)  We saved him from the clutches of the Master Control Program (another obscure '80s reference to TRON, which I saw in the fucking theater and which led me to become a ninja at throwing frisbees with my friend, Mike Winger. Damn, I'm old!) and headed to Porgy and Bess, our venue for the evening:

That's right, Wong is pumped up cause he knows we're going to have a great gig tonight.  And do you want to know why?  Because, while we're onstage, Mozart is going to infiltrate our brains!!  From beyond the grave.  Seriously.  Check it out:

"Wow, I feel kind of funny, like an 18th century master composer is boring his way through my skull"

"Oh my God, Ward, I feel the same thing!  Now I have ultimate rocking powers!!  LET'S ROCK!! How's Vienna doing?"

 

"WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHATEVER YOU WANT WHATEVERYOUWANTISFINEBYMEEEEEEE....come on boys, catch up!!  The Mozart boreworm infected my brain 5 minutes ago and I'm leaving you in the dust!"

We rocked...so hard.  Much thanks to Miriam, who took the pictures of us performing.

That's Miriam in the middle, and Kathy (Katarina) on the left.  They took a picture with me, too:

"Ward smells funny!"

This was in the lobby of our hotel, after gig, and before we went out on the town to have a party.  See, when we asked Miriam and Katarina if there were fun things to do in Vienna, they said, "Yes-Please let us show you our fun city"  And so they did:

We had a lovely drink at the Museum Bar, which was actually located in a museum.  Them Austrians are so damn cultured!   Kathy's cousin, Florian, and his wife, Maria, joined us for the festivities.

After a drink or two (or 3, or 7 or akl;dfsj890v[23u) we were getting a little hungry.  Gert had told us about the Kasewurst, sausages with cheese.  So we were on a mission.  We walked underground to find this delicacy.

German quiz: what does this mean?  National debt?  Help me out!  

OOH, that scotch is running through me like a bat out of hell.  Have to pee, really soon.  But, for some reason, I also really want to listen to some Puccini, or Verdi or something.  Hmmm, what to do what to do?

Thank God, The opera toilet!  Perfect!  I've always wanted to take a dump while belting out "Se Vuol Ballare" from Le Nozze di Figaro!  Let's celebrate by reenacting Steve O's choreography from "Dancing with the Stars"

What a twirl! But it looks like Alex and Vienna are ready to take us down:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They mean serious business!  Hey, why don't we take a promo band shot for our next tour?

I'm writing to Obama to make sure he knows that we need Opera Toilets here in the US and A.

Aaah, at last we find the Kasewurst place!

"Bitte ein kase wurst."

"VIELEN DONKEY!!!!!"

Wow.  That is terrifying.

For some reason, we decided to go to two different sausage places and do a taste test.

Alex got his wurst here.  Looks a little classier than my state fair looking place, right?  But you know, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.  His place may have looked cooler on the outside, but is the wurst really better?

 

Yes. It is.  Mine tastes like a 7 Eleven Cheeseburger dog compared to his.  Dammit.  Oh well, we're all friends here, and we're enjoying some Budweisers.  Not Anheiser Busch ones, the original ones from the Czech republic.

Well, it's been a long, very fun, rewarding day in Vienna.  But it's time to go to sleep.  We hail a cab, and the driver informs us that we can't have open beers while he's driving.  So we slam them.  Well done, folks!   Let's do an imitation of the Beastie Boys before we go to bed:

Nighty Nite, Yo!

Oh I don't wanna leave Vienna!  But wait, we're going to St. Veit?  Where the hell's that?  Oh, that's the place with the acid flashback hotel!

Trippy!

Let's check out the rad lobby:

Psychedelic, man!

Check out some of the lovely art:

Mmm hmm, very nice

Okay, a tree, a mermaid with a great rack?

Holy hell, this looks like something from Starship Troopers, who is responsible for all of this?

Ah, the Professor Ernst Fuchs.  We all know about my German skills, but I'm going to try to translate:

"This is an art gallery and hotel.  It's two things in one.  This hotel was designed by Ernst Fuchs, who is the emperor of the Fuchspalace.  Bow down, knave!

Ernst Fuchs was born in 1930 on the planet Zoltan.  He was teleported here through a wormhole to share his magical vision of gumdrops, boobies, and creatures from his home planet.  He studied art at the Art Academy in Vienna, but was expelled when he tried to probe his instructors in the boogiehole.

Here are a few more highlights from Ernst Fuchs's amazing life:

1972-Ernst Fuchs eats three sheets of LSD mixed with a lovely balsamic vinaigrette over a mixed green salad with psychedelic mushrooms, thus starting a trip lasting for over 37 years and counting.

1988-For the 100th birthday of Wilo Wagner, Fuchs jumps off of a hotel balcony screaming, "Ich Bin Ein Gelden Gott!!!!" into a pool of nutella.  Gets the preliminary idea for the Fuchpalaz in St. Veit.

1998-Celebrates the 10th anniversary of the "Nutella Plunge" by building a hotel in a quaint Austrian village using nothing but an easy bake oven and red white and blue frosting.

2007-Fuchs is seen wandering naked through the Austrian alps singing "Inagaddadavida" and biting the heads off of baby squirrels

 

Okay!

That's all well and good, but what do the rooms look like?

Well, I think you know what time it is:

After checking in, turning on and dropping out, we went to the venue:

This was the old Rathaus (City Hall).  Or maybe it's still the Rathaus, I don't know.  In any case, it was really beautiful.  Check the interior:

There's something really amazing about playing a concert in such a gorgeous setting.  

In the dressing room, there was some art displayed from some of the students in town:

A regular budding Ernst Fuchs, methinks.  Let's go for a walk!

Our pal, Andres, took us to the castle,

which was owned by Astrid, the baroness who put on the concert.  This was built in the 11th century.  Yes folks, that's around 1000 years ago!  Let's check it out:

That's Andres, with Alex and Vienna.  He's an amazing sculptor who displays his work here.

"But we've got the biggest balls of them all," sang Vienna quietly to herself.

Let's go inside, what do you say?

What a cool place.  After this we did soundcheck, and Astrid took us to a wonderful dinner.  We then proceeded to rock St. Veit's collective face off.  And then....we got drunk.  I was having too much fun to take lots of pictures, but check out Alex's 11:11 blog for a more detailed account of the evening.  Many many many thanks to Astrid, Andres, Michael, Nici, and all the St. Veiters for showing us a wonderful time!

And then, finally, we went to lovely Innsbruck.

Oh Austria, you were so good to us. And I love how un-PC you are:

Whew!  That blog took a lot out of me!  Sorry it took so long; it feels like I delivered a pair of 50lb twins!  I think I'm going to join twitter and just do short and sweet for a while, maybe.  Before I go, though, I want to thank you for reading, and encourage you to check back regularly, because I have 2 goals for the summer:

1. To give my website a long overdue overhaul.  This blog is hopefully just a little taste of fun stuff that's going to be happening here.  I'm planning on working with my homie Matt to redesign the site to make it more fun and user friendly (and probably relaunch it as wardwilliams.com).  I want to continue blogging and putting up silly pictures/videos/songs and whatnot, which brings me to goal #2:

2. To begin the highly anticipated follow up to my self titled record: "Ward Williams".  Working title: WW II.  My plan is to make a more stripped down record, partly because I think it'll sound cool and partly because I want to do it even more on my own and I don't know a lot about producing and stuff yet.  But I have hopes that it will be even better than the first one.  So keep coming back here and you can see what I'm up to in some way shape or form.  So give me some comments/feedback love.  And remember, I love you all tremendously!

 

Disclaimer: this edition of The World According to Ward  bears no resemblance whatsoever to the great Charles Dickens novel, A Tale of Two Cities.  For starters, I read that book back when I was a sophomore in high school, back in nineteen humph harumph, so I don't remember it so well.   I do remember really liking it.  I also remember that it was set during the French Revolution.  I remember that, in the last few pages of the book, ***SPOILER ALERT*** an important character gave the soliloquy: "Tis a far better thing I do now than I have ever done..." or some such thing before he/she was beheaded by the guillotine.  That's about it.  

There is one similarity: both TTOC and TTOW take place in Europe.

So. Do you know any girls named Wiebke?  I'd never met any, until this tour through Germany.  Then, during 2 days, I met two of them!

That's averages out to one Wiebke a day!

Here's Wiebke #1:

She's on the left; her friend Jenny is on the right.  They helped us sell CDs in Mainz.

Then we went to a Cuban Cocktail Bar:

I got a Margarita. Yum!  and then a Sidecar.....weeeeeeellll, let's just say I'll not be ordering any more sidecars in Germany.

Mainz had a special power: it made all of us want to impersonate inanimate objects:

Vienna and Alex reenact a wedding stock photo

I imitate Friederich Schiller writing the lyrics to Beethoven's 9th Symphony

This was in Schillerplatz.  What a coincidence, right?!  Someone just happened to put a statue of Schiller in Schillerplatz.  Total synchronicity!

We played in the Frankfurter Hof.  I can't quite remember the first time I came to Europe, because it was the summer after my sophomore year in college, back in nineteen sumpn sumpn. But I kind of think that the NCSA International Music Program Orchestra played here as well.  Or maybe I just did chamber music here.  (Any 1992 IMP alumni out there who remember?) Either way, I think I may have been to Mainz before.  But I sure as hell didn't meet any Wiebkes.

Before we left, I wandered around the town.  And I actually bumped into Wiebke and Jenny again!  But my dumb ass didn't take a picture, so you'll just have to take my word for it.  I did take some other pictures of the town, though:

Does anyone know what kind of trees these are?

I've seen them around Germany a lot.  Never in the U, S and A. I'll try to get some better shots of them

After a nice stroll in Mainz, we drove to Mannheim.  Here's where we performed:

Der Altes Feuerwache-which means old Firestation.  Old Factory, Old Pawnshop, Old Firestation.  I'm sensing a pattern...

Five Points Music Hall in Birmingham, AL (RIP) could have been called "Altes Piggly Wiggly"

Guess who worked at Altes Feuerwache:
THAT'S RIGHT: WIEBKE #2, THAT'S WHO!!!

I asked both Wiebkes if "Wiebke" was a common name in Germany.

"Nein, " they both replied. "Nicht really"

Oh, kind of like Ward in the states.  Interesting.  So people probably screw up your names all the time.  Like for me, 75% of people who first meet me will, at some point in time, call me "Wade".  So, what do people call the Wiebkes after first meeting them? Time for an SAT question:

Ward::Wade as Wiebke::

A. Vodka

B. Wonka

C. Bupkis

D. Wade

All you Wiebkes out there, get back to me and we'll set the record straight!  We're Ward and Wiebke, not Wade and Wonka (or whatever the equivalent of "Wade" is for the Wiebkes)!  Get it straight, people!

Between Mannheim and Munich, we ran into some SNOW!!!

These were taken at the best gas/rest station ever.  Check this out:

Hell Yeah!!

Damn right that's a Jack and Coke....in a can!!!!!  I'll just have one for the road, Fraulein. Vielen Dank!

After waking up from a Jack Daniel's infused nap, I arrived at the club in Munich:

Jazz Club Unterfahrt!  Heh heh, he said Fart!

I was greeted by the soundtech, Robert: 

...in a typical Munich fashion: He gingerly cupped my nutsack. Guten Tag to you, Herr Robert!

This was on the wall near our dressing room.  Great band name.

We had a delicious dinner upstairs next door.  And they also brewed their own wheat beer:

with these:

(hops)

Delicious.  

We destroyed Munich with the power of our rock.  The following morning, I took a stroll in the cold and snow and took some pictures of the city:

The first picture is of the Neues Rathaus (which means New City Hall{I guess the old City Hall is now a rock club}). The rest are from the Munich Residence:

Yeah, gettin yer learn on in the World According to Ward!

Before I go, I'd like to show y'all an email I got from Thomas, the Dutch guy who saw us in Amsterdam and Gronigen:

 

Hey Ward,

 

How are you? Did you have a nice everning in Amsterdam?

 

I've been very busy, but I finally have some time to write you something about the New York trip.

 

Last year I bought tickets for a music festival in the summer. Then I saw on their website that people who already bought tickets could win a trip to New York. I never won something but I tried it. A few months later there was an email from the organisation. At first I thought it was some annoying spam. But they told me that I won the trip to NY! Which was pretty unbelievable. Then I saw my name on the website and got some information from them.

 

It was a four day trip to NY. Never been out of Europe, so I was pretty excited. Me and my girlfriend stayed in the Soho Grand, a very good and expensive hotel. Been to Time Square, Central Park, Top of The Rock, Statue of Liberty, some cd stores and of course we wanted to see a concert in NY. We are both addicted to music and going to live gigs. I heard from a friend that there are many small clubs where you can see singer songwriter concerts, so we just went to the Knitting Factory, which was also near our hotel.

 

That was the place where we saw a really nice concert of Christina Cone and some funny dude, making jokes all the time. Ward Williams. That was in october. A couple of months later Vienna Teng (one of my favourite artists) announced their European tour and I bought tickets for the dutch shows. In the city full of bikes, Groningen, I saw a new member of the band which seemed very familiar. After the show I asked him if he ever played in New York with Christina Cone. And he looked at me very surprised and said yes I have.

 

Well that's the story, nothing more, nothing less. Just really cool and random. ;-)

 

Enjoy the rest of the tour through Europe with the great musicians Alex Wong and of course miss Vienna Teng.

 

Cheers,

 

Thomas 'The Random Dutch Guy' Spiekerman

Alex, Thomas and Me

Dig it! What a teeny tiny world we live in!

Coming soon, we head back into the snow to Austria!!  I had so much fun in Austria, I can't wait to tell you about it! Till next post, Auf Wiedersehen!

 

 

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Alex: "This place is too swanky.  I'm going to trash our room."

Hey, Vienna, what are you looking at?

Holy crap!  Where are we?

Bremen!!!! And this is the lobby of our hotel, the Park Hotel.  What a dump, right?  I mean look at this place:

How am I supposed to operate under these conditions??!!  I guess I'm just going to have to rise above it.  At least let me do something about the bed:

(are you enjoying the bed warm ups as much as I am?)

We played a lovely hall in Bremen, called The Glocke:

Beautiful hall, right?  And we're staying at a 5 star hotel, and they fed us and gave us cookies and cheese and candy and....

Ladies and Gents, the show was a big steaming bowl of clam chowder.  I'm sure it wasn't as bad as we thought, but let's just say we felt a little rough around the edges. So rather than sit around and cry about it, we caught up on Lost, thanks to iTunes and my poor slow-ass computer:

"Oh my god, I can't believe it!! Kate finally got totally naked!"

Friday, March 20, 2009

Halle:

Now this is more like it!  Still a lovely town, but not as ritzy-glitzy as Bremen.  A little more character, if you know what I mean.

We played here:

Objekt 5

More of a rock club, see?  And instead of a robe and slippies, our hotel had this:

Watch out where you pokus your jokus!

Saturday, March 21, 2009, Koln

Between Halle and Koln, we picked up Gert's lovely wife,  Ingeborg.  She was mucho fun, a perfect yin to Gert's yang.  See how happy they are?

We loaded in here:

Der Altes Pfandhaus, which means old pawn shop.  Lots of venues in Germany are named for the buildings they once were.  For instance, Fabrik in Hamburg used to be a factory, and Zakk in Dusseldorf was made from the entrails of the guy on Saved by the Bell, as I've already mentioned.

 

This is what the inside looked like:

 

 

 

 

 

Kind of like a mini version of the Colosseum in Rome.  Like a Minisseum.    Gert was concerned that the sound would be a "catastrophe", but of course he solved all our sonic problems, lickity split!

After soundcheck, we strolled around town for a bit:

Hey, look!  They have Chuck Norris jokes in Germany, too!

 

Hmmm, ferrari logo on my pumas and this mini truck.  Why don't either of these seem like a real ferrari?

Our show was bangin'!  Especially when they let the lion out and we had to fight for our lives!  It was cool, because it was just a mini lion, and once we put a bowl of milk down, he just lapped it right up, and forgot all about eating us.

The next morning, I took a stroll and saw some beautiful sights:

Here's the big ass cathedral:

Here's the inside.  Be quiet: they're saying mass!

Ooo!  Check this out:

What's going on in there?

Wow!!  He looks just like Rob Halford with hair!!

Isn't Koln nice?

Dude, can we just chillax for a second?  I mean, where the hell are the Doritos?  I'm like totally loving me some Amsterdam, and now you're telling me we have to leave?  And go where?  Where the hell's Dusseldorf, anyways?

Quit yer cryin, Wardie! I'm in the future, and I'm telling you, you're gonna have a blast in Dusseldorf.  For starters, you have most of the day off.  You're gonna check into the hotel and then play an in-store performance here:

In-store, whoa!  That doesn't sound like a day off to me.  How's about just kicking back at the hotel with a pizza and watching Aqua Teen in German?

Oh come now, look at all the fun in store for you (ha ha).  Here's Vienna and Alex playing "In Another Life":

  

And here Vienna is signing all kinds of autographs:



While she's busy, you get to hang out with Alex!

 

 

Yo, Alex, Future me is saying  we're gonna have a blast in Dusseldorf.  What do you think, bro? 

 

 

 

 



 

 

Dude, I still can't move my arm, plus I just got back from my own time traveling. I have no idea.  Do you have any twinkies?

 

 

 

Come on, guys!  Vienna is going to be interviewed by a real TV station:

"So, Vienna, tell us what music means to you"

"Well, like, music is totally responsible for, like, all of history and such...
I mean right here in Germany the Berlin Wall fell, you know,
because there was a song, insofar as, like, made people come
to feel as though, you know, world peace? So, like, I think
my own unique musical genius, seeing as it is, like, here in Germany,
could totally usher in like, world peace or some and such as..."

Mmmmm....well, looks like she's gonna take a while.

Bro, wait, she was totally getting deep, I mean like into the fundamentals of the universe and shit....

But aren't you ready to leave the mall and get out on the streets with the Volk?  Look how nice a city Dusseldorf is:

There's even a cool exhibit on Sonic Youth at the Art Gallery:

...that you won't go see.

Man, I'm like totally starving.

Okay, calm down!  Dusseldorf has just the place for you:

 The Brauerei Fuchschen!!

This is a great restaurant and brewery where they make their own:

wheat beer, and:

Altbier.

Just perfect for a beer geek such as yourself.  Check this out to learn more about Altbier and what a cool place you're in: one of the 4 places in Dusseldorf where they brew their own Altbier.  Wicked!  Much thanks and gratitude to Marc and Carston of A&O Media for taking us out:

Thanks, guys!

Vienna will also show you how she can melt Carston's face with her mind:

You'll also get to eat some sauerbraten and watch Alex be Gumby as his system continues to process the Space Muffin:

 

You can move his hand wherever you want and it'll stay there.

 

 

 

 

 

 Look, you can even balance a beer on him:

 

 

 

More fun than a barrel of monkeys!

Well, that sauerbraten was pretty damn good.  What else you got, future me?

Well, after dinner, y'all will wander the streets and stumble into Em Pöötzke, one of the best known jazz clubs in Germany, and check these guys out:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Damen und Herren: The New Orpheans!

They're one kickass dixieland jazz group.  They have a price list for requests:

which says: requests: 10 euros or one round for the band, "When the saints go marching in": 20 euros or 2 rounds for the band, "Ice Cream": 50 Euros or a round for everyone.

Dude, let's see if this works.  Here comes the round I bought:

Yeah, that was from me, Opheans.  Do y'all know any Phish?

Well, how about The Dead?  No?  Well at least mark our half of the bar down for one round:

Alright, we're tied at 2 to Two!

See, isn't this fun?  Alex and Vienna are gettin down!

During one of the breaks, the New Orpheans let Vienna take the stage also:

 

to sing a rousing version of "City Hall"

After that, this woman will want the New Orpheans to play "Midnight Train to Georgia"  They won't know it, but they'll have her ask Vienna:

"Entshuldigen Sie, Bitte, do you know "Midnight Train to Georgia?"

Vienna: Yes I do! (singing): I'm leeeeaavin....On that Midnight train to Georgia....I'd rather live in his world, than live without him in miiinneee!

"Oh you make me so happy!!!!"

"ON DAS MIDNIGHT TRAIN VON GEORGIA!!!"

"I will now lean in for big German-style French Kiss!"

"Ach, mein herz! I think I am fainting now from der Joy!!!!!"

Of all the people who have ever enjoyed the singing of Vienna Teng, no one has ever been made happier then this woman.

Damn, you're right!  I'm having a blast in Dusseldorf!  Let's go play a show!

Alrighty then, cowboy!  You'll play here:

 

 

 

 

at a club called Zakk (named for the beloved character from "Saved by the Bell")

The show will be dope, but between sets, the real action will be backstage.  Alex is no longer Gumby....he's now the Juggling Wonder!!

Check that out!  Truly a man of many talents.

Wow, future me.  You are truly wise and brilliant. I'm sorry I was a whiny little bitch about leaving Amsterdam.  I'm having fun now.  Can we reunite across space and time now and tell the good people at home about Hamburg?

Absolutely.....woooosh! (Sky turns bright white)

Whoa, that was weird.  And I have a little nosebleed now.  I'm sure it's nothing.

After Dusseldorf, we drove to Hamburg and played at a club called Fabrik:

Both Fabrik and Zakk seemed a lot more like rock and roll clubs than the other venues.  But Fabrik was also a learning center for kids during the day.

 

 

 

 

 

How about that?  The kids were all rollerblading and hanging from the ceiling with bungee cords when we were loading in.  No joke.

Here's me in the dressing room:

Look at all the graffiti!  Just like the clubs back home.  Here's Vienna and Alex listening to Gert's favorite song to check the sound system: "Everything Happens to Me"

They're really getting into it!  Fabrik fed us an amazing asian themed dinner:

And Gert swallowed a bug:

After dinner, I discovered a real live elephant made of chocolate:

 

 

I tried to lick him, but he impaled me with his chocolate tusk and trampled me.   But Vienna cast a +3 regeneration spell and I was healed just in time for the show.

 

 

 

After the gig, we arrived at the hotel monopol on the Reeperbahn.  Sexy time!

Hmmmm. This bed could use a little work:

Aaahhh, much better!  The hotel monopol reminded me of a slightly higher class Ascot Inn (Charlotte NC), a hotel where Jump did the infamous "heart shaped bathtub" photo shoot.  I think it's about time those pictures see the light of day, what do you say, boys?

Christina and Sarah, the super heros, brought our luggage back, so I had clean underwear, Alex had his newly repaired jacket:

and Ms. Teng had her badass cowboy boots:

Thanks again for looking out for our stuff, quite-something!

We had a couple of drinks at the Monopol bar and then went to get some curry wurst!

 

 

Hmmm, not bad.  Not as tasty as Berlins.  But I don't think the debate is settled yet, cause we didn't go to the most famous curry wurst place in Hamburg.

 

 

We went here:

Here's the back:

Heh heh, the neon people are peeing on each other!

Now I know we've been having a good time.  We've shared lots of light hearted laughs and fun sights and bed warm-ups.  But if you could bear with me while I impart some tragic news.  Before I do, check out the picture of me in the dressing room in Hamburg or the movie of me warming up the Monopol bed.  Notice anything different?  No?  Well on the way from Dusseldorf to Hamburg, this happened:

My glasses broke!

I've seen many things through these glasses since I bought them in 2001.  I wore these during the Underdog Jump tour, summer 2001.  A stripper in New Orleans "cleaned" them for me at Big Daddy's. I performed with them during Jump's final shows at the Dock St. Theatre in 2005.  I watched my nephew, Thomas, come into the world with them. I saw the first, second, third....100th metal monday in Charleston through their lenses.  I watched the NYC skyline on the horizon wearing these glasses as I drove the U-Haul up 278 to my first apartment in Williamsburg.  And now I have to wear these:

Thank God I thought to pack them!

Yes, it's the end of an era people.  Maybe it's time for me to get lasik.

Coming up: we continue through Germany, and get caught up on Lost!